Searchingformyself

Life.  What is it really all about.  I am sitting in my room with Kyle and Laura, one of the few couples that are actually wholesome.  Tonight is my first true Friday night, it is when all the beer and pot really comes out.  The people who you think you know suddenly change from meek to loose, from calm to crazy.  I find it incredibly sad that people drink.  The obvious reason why people drink is to have fun.  The drinking loosens them up, makes them freer, making them dumb enough to do the things that they actually want to do.  It results in an incredibly sad life, a life where they cannot have genuine fun, but they must drink to have fun.  A life where guys and girls alike are looking to get laid, searching for what life is about.  And to them, it feels like they are where it is at.  They feel like there could be nothing better than this.  I feel so sorry for them to think that there is nothing better than destroying your body and giving it to people that you hardly know past their names.  It makes my heart break to know that a nice girl that I know on my floor could potentially give herself away tonight, to have fun, to be free, when the reality is that she is in deeper shit than ever.  My heart breaks as I sit here tonight, I feel not lonely, but I feel a bit of the pain that Jesus felt.  I understand so much more why he died for us, but most of all, the pain that we cause him.  I don’t even truly understand these people, but God does.  And it must hurt god infinitely more than it hurts me to see these people wasting their lives.  I wonder what is happening to our world.  Taking philosophy, I understand that all people think alike, even philosophers.  They all try to impose one standard for life, a standard of we are only the sums of our actions, we have no control of our lives, beer is life, anything.  But the reality is that people want to find a consistent answer for any situation and there is not.  Life itself is an equation of infinite variables, forcing any possible theory or equation that tries to put bounds on it to crumble.  Life is too easily wasted simply because Satan has corrupted the minds of the youth for generations.  Life goes on, people go to hell, but the question is, where do I stand.  What is my role here at ucsc.  Am I simply a student here, placed here to do well?  Or am I somebody who needs to simply take care of my own spiritual life, and my own grades, and my own relationships.  Am I suppose to concern myself with the people around me?  Gal 2:20.  I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives within me.  The life I live in the body I live by faith in the son of man who loved me and gave himself for me.

I have yet to look for a fellowship.