It is really funny how good days can become bad days so quickly…
and visa versa. -_-
Today, i basically went to stacey’s party, and then to church. Stacey’s party was fun despite the lame water park. Hanging out with my friends and stuff was just a blast :D. One of the funniest parts was when i was going down the dark slide with kevin and i tickled him like crazy. It was hilarious to hear him scream lol.
But then, my good day was sorta ruined :[.
At church i had a fairly good talk with squok during worship. I originally left because it was really hot in the room and i didnt want to get really hot. Then… somebody came out who didnt and wasnt suppose to know about what we were talking about (mysterious!!) and then i stopped talking about it. That person later left, and we resumed our conv. I guess it was a productive conversation even though nothing really was resolved. But then again, nothing is going to get resolved with it for a while. ugh..
The games were pretty fun. Even the last game was sorta fun. Except, i really stopped caring by then. I was just like ugh. w/e. I mean, if i was feeling competative it would have bbeen really fun. So, it was just okay because i wasnt really all that excited and pumped. :P. But, i think i am glad i played… I guess i will figure out if i am really sore tomorrow…
Certain things pissed me off. Certain realizations, and a lot of annoying things happened. Aside from the fact that i am tired from stacey’s party, certain people really pissed me off. I dont really feel like naming anybody for the sake of being nice, but yeah. I guess i am just a mean person. Sigh… Sometimes i wonder about myself. I am often torn between “being nice,” screwing around, and being honest. And, for me, i am almost never “nice.” I am only nice to a select few people because…
Because i am judgemental? Because i think i can decide who deserves to be treated nicely and not nicely. Because i believe in a God that loves everybody. But yet i dont really exemplify that much now do i… But then again… Maybe God doesnt necessarily treat everybody “nicely” and in reality he treats everybody fairly and gives them what they deserve. But yet, i think that i have the right to judge people.
Sometimes i really wonder about myself.
Sometimes i really really wonder about myself.
I always seem to think i am right, and even though God has proved me wrong 3 times in my assumptions of people in the past month and 1/2, i still cant stop making assumptions. I wonder, who am i suppose to be. Who is God calling me to be. I wonder how i am suppose to be so strong when i am so weak in immature. Sigh……
sigh…..
I wonder if i am doing the right thing. I wonder if i am not doing the right thing and i am really messing up the people i love. I wonder if it would be better if i just started to use a mask and be nice to everybody because then maybe one day i would become nice. But then again, i dont really want to be nice to everybody.
I cant distinguish right from wrong, nor can i distinguish who i want to be and who i should be.
Damn.
On top of all this, i am pretty sure that certain things are ending. But then again, on the bright side, new things start when other things end…
Its like when a forest is burned down. It regrows abundantly because of all the nutrients from the ash of the burned down trees and crap.
Maybe that was a bad analogy.
Bad day. Bad analogy.
SIGH.
And, i really should be excited for Relay for life tomorrow.
But in this mood, and a potential sore body, i really dont feel like doing it.
SIGH
i feel like calling (a) certain people(person). But then again, i dont really. I just cant make a decision. SIGH
