Sometimes I wonder what will happen with everything. Sometimes I wonder why things have happened already. And sometimes i wonder which of the things i will stay consistant in and which of them i wont. I take a look back at my past and i see, oh, i see now what went wrong there. I try to take that same look at the present, but i cannot. i have no way of knowing what is going to happen to me.
I wonder how things work. People more specifically. I wonder, what makes people change, what makes people become different. From my mere 16 (almost 17) years of life i am starting to realize that most people do not change for the most part. Habits may change, preferences may change, but inevitable, most people stay the same. The stressers stress, the moody stay moody, the immature stay immature, and the quiet stay quiet. Granted, this does not apply to everybody, but it applies to some, if not most.
So i then wonder, what makes some people change to become something else. And, can people really change this behavior, or do they simply learn to mask it or adapt to it better. I wonder if a drug addict can ever stop being an addict, even if they quit drugs. maybe they will be addicted to money or something else.
I wonder, who am i, in my essense of being. have i changed from before? Or am i really the same person, deep down, except that i have learned more and have picked up some “good” habits. Some good skills. Or, have those good skills and habits in fact changed the person i am. I think back, i was awkward, i still a awkward. I was a loner, i still am a loner for the most part. I was aggressive, i still am aggressive to some degree. I was a jerk, and i still am to some degree.
I wonder, is a lot of me really changed? or have i just mellowed out in a sense, still really an agressive and awkward jerk/loner. I just… have adapted to my surroundings and have learned how to control it.
It bothers me to see people continually going through the same problems and falling at the same time as they did before. it makes me wonder whether or not they are growing or not. I try not to judge because i dont know, but i cant really help it. I wonder what is happening to them, or maybe even what is happening to me. Am i just being a judger? Or is something really happening? I will never really know and i dont really expect to know.
i dont think i made any sense at all O.o
